TEMPLE

Pagan Parenting - Winter Solstice

Being pagan is hard enough without the added joys of raising children.  As pagan parents, hubby and I have had numerous talks about when and how to introduce the kidlets to our beliefs and practices.  I wrinkled my nose many times when Halloween would come around and the Christian daycare our children attended would send a list home stating no movie horror masks, ghost, Freddie Krugers or witches.  I had a hard time understanding how I resembled Freddie, et al.  I talked to my daughter, then 4 years old, about witches and how she perceived them.  I was shocked to discover that she had learned from TV, movies and stories that witches are wicked, ugly, old hags (with warts) that do evil things to others.  Gentlemen, you were not included in the list which I was curious to note to my husband.  So much for women's liberation.  With lots of soul searching as well as fear of discovery, we decided it was time to "Come out of the Broom closet" to her.

This was a slow process for us.  We started by chipping in positive remarks to negate the negative ones she would make about witches and the Craft.  How these were folks often viewed as talented healers and seers and helped people.  I became over-protectively, monitoring her TV and reading list.  I also reminded her how I dressed as a witch for Halloween every year.  I even blurted out one day how I was a witch.  Looking at with me her sweet blue eyes, the statement went right over her head.  She smiled and it never phased her.

When she was 8 years of age, we still hadn't found a good way to begin a meaningful conversation with her.  Thankfully she supplied the opening question.  Her paternal grandmother had recently passed away and she wanted to talk about death.  She and her "Mutti" had been very close friends and under the tears of loss, she was angry.   Some of her friends said Mutti was in heaven; assuming she was a good person.  Others suggested that she was asleep forever.  My daughter wanted a finite answer to the question.  It seemed so silent after she asked the question of what really happens.  I remember the sun shining in the windows and the quiet ticking of the mantle clock.  I told her what her friends had said were what some believed, but not what daddy and I believed.  A flood gate opened, and we talked of the Goddess and the God, reincarnation, the concepts of  Hades or a Summerland, and how she could talk outloud and our departed loved ones would  hear her.  She listened intently and asked very good questions for definitions.  Then came the corker of questions, "Why do we have to die?"  She was so concerned that death was ugly and horrid.  How could a Goddess and God allow such a horrible thing to happen?  Oh, how I wished I could remember all my philosophy classes.  I asked her a question back, "Do you really think that the Goddess and God saved the worst or the best for last?"  She mulled this over quietly and then said, "They're good parents, they saved the best for last."

While she is still coping with more loss  (my father and mother also passed shortly there after; within 18 months of each other), she is not angry or frightened for them anymore.  Since then, the door of communication is wide open.  She is proud of our beliefs and practices.  She is proud of the title 'witch'.  She understands the necessity not to go around and tell everyone, though she would like to of course and we are prepared for questions should it happen.  We did have one moment when she wanted to jump off roofs like they did in one particular movie.  I think I have adequate explained the laws of nature on that one.

The next Shadow Fest/Samhain, she participated in our ceremony celebrating those who have come before us.  That Winter Solstice/Yule, she happily decorated the log with her brother, then 5, and our group.  Our son rang the bell at Winter Solstice and she was responsible for the elemental candles during the ritual.  We gave her her first Tarot deck and our son a pentacle necklace.  They gave us a sealed picture they had done together.  Inside, they drew their grandmother and grandfather smiling and dancing together with us in a circle.  Underneath, she had written 'Don't be afraid.  Nothing is forgotten'.  I won’t tell you how I cried and will cherish that first Winter Solstice gift from them.

My advice to other parents?  Don't be afraid and don't save the best for last for too long where our children are concerned.  We are their primary teachers.  They learn pride from us, as well as fear.  Let them be the first you tell and share your faith and beliefs.  They might just surprise you with how mature they really are in those little bodies.  The words of one of George Lucas' characters also comes to mind, "Pass on what you have learned." And oh yes, the daycare now allows witches costumes at Halloween since our daughter explained how they were sadly mistaken in their impression of witches.  As one of our members mused from the Bible passage, "And a little child shall lead them."  Blessings all!